dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
