No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
