Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize