why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
