He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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