I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
