Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Found the puke drawer
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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