remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
