I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
