Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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