The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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