Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
