Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
