I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
