Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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