ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
