I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
