I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
