I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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