I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
