there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
