can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
someone owes me an orgasm
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
