you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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