i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
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You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize