After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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