I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
