I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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