so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize