Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
