The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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