so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
