WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
