i can't believe i had my finger in that
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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