I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
