I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You made out with two different species that night
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
