I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
