Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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