I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
