I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
