oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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