When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
