I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
