I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
