I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
