I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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