saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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