So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
