I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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