then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had to cum in my sink.
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