I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dick very happy bro
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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