I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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