I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
