Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
