I love black thongs
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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