you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
COCAINE IS GR8
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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