when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i love accidental penises.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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