i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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