I will die if light touches me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
