boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
