the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
