i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
