My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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